I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
