Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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