I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
