I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
