and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
