Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
