So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
