we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
