Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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