My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
