There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
