walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
