shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
