what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
