My nipple is on Facebook.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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