oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
bring money and cleavage
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize