They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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