I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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