I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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