Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
