I faked an abortion last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
