I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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