My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
