Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
