Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
