shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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