is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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