i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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