We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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