birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
