Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
