I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
