I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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