i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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