If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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