I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
