he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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