I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
