Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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