So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's rum buckets o'clock
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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