Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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