"it" just moved
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
