I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
