The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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