Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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