I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
