I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dear god my vagina.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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