hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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