Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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