Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
