i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
