there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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