Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I FOUND THE LEGS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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