i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
