After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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