And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
