You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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